There is so much baggage with Motherhood and literal living, haha. Then you add in owning a business, your job, feeling like crap if you do or don’t have a job/biz, carrying the mental load, keeping your own identity, dealing with past ideas from our culture of what that should all look and feel like, pour it all into a big container then BAM! It’s just asking for overwhelm and anxiety.
I’ve really been feeling this a lot lately, especially with seasons changing, school starting, preparing for a vacation, juggling the biz, making sure everyone has me and I have myself! I know, I know, “cry me a river” life is going good! But isn’t that one of the problems?! We don’t even allow ourselves to just feel the damn feeling. We feel guilty because someone always has it worse. Because we chose this. Because this is life. Gahhhhh!
So here are a few things to remember in the thick of it all:
You and your feelings matter-As cliche as it sounds you do matter. You matter. Say it with me: “I matter”. It’s easy to feel invisible and that you don’t matter AND it’s easy to feel like your feelings aren’t valid. Guess what?! They are valid! Want to know why? Because you are feeling them and feeling them makes them valid. Full stop.
I know the world is hard and much harder for other folks but that doesn’t mean what you feel and why you feel it, is wrong. What it means is that your heart is trying to tell you something and you should listen to it. Maybe it’s overwhelmed, maybe it’s hurt. But the important thing to remember is that you and those feelings, big or small, matter!
It’s not balance it’s harmony-Whoever came up with the idea of balance in life was kidding themselves. Balance implies there is a state of even distribution. BAHAHAHAHA! The efff is that?! When have we EVER had even distribution even before all the noise and work and motherhood?
When I think about finding a homeostasis I think more about the word “Harmony” now. It’s about a push and pull and give and take, so somedays something may have to take up more space than you expected and you try to pull it all together so it works in tandem, but that doesn’t mean it will be evenly distributed. lol.
It means that when the kiddo is sick they are snuggling with you while you make a list of things that need done. It means that if the electricity is out you light the candles and clean the pantry. It means that you are the conductor and pull things forward and push things back to make it work.
The caveat: you give yourself grace because it will never be evenly distributed or the way you plan and that’s okay! Why???? Because there is nothing you can’t fix, nothing that is that serious, and in most cases nobody’s life is in danger.
Your best is good enough and it will change every day, every hour, every second-You are here. You are amazing. You are doing it. You are doing your BEST! Your best is ENOUGH! And yes, that will change, it’s changing right now.
Why do we give everyone else grace but ourselves?!
Look, some days you will operate at 95% and some days you will be at 60% because the kiddos were up all night for whatever reason *rolls eyes*. Some days you are so burned out it’s work to make some box mac n’ cheese and hand the kids tablets or a coloring book.
But we are so damn judgy about that! Why? What’s the point? To make ourselves feel worse? How is that productive? How does that help? SPOILER ALERT: it doesn’t! So STOP!
So here is my sage advice (for what it’s worth)– A neutral mindset.
Really sit and think about being neutral about where you are at. Don’t assign a “good” or “bad” to it, just acknowledge it, ask yourself if the problem of feeling is solvable, then take action. Whether it’s a good cry, chatting with a friend, asking for help, rearranging your day…just be neutral, handle it the best you can, and move on.
Full disclosure, I am absolutely a hot mess express just like everyone else, but here is your reminder that no matter what you see on the internet they are also HOT MESS EXPRESSES they are just trying to sell you stuff or put their best foot forward because they want to be seen a certain way! Nobody has it totally together, ever.